Integrity – Suzy Cornflakes

After four daughters, I had a son, and contemplated the enormity of raising a boy. My friend wrote some Bible verses for me in a card and one stood out: In Genesis 4 Eve says: “I have borne a man with the help of the Lord.” A man?

I have thought about this throughout his childhood, as well as those of his three brothers. Some may say that gender does not matter, that we raise them the same, as people with integrity. I agree with that premise in regards to raising confident, intelligent, loving children regardless of gender. But there simply are differences in individuals, and in order to prepare our children for the world they live in we need to prepare, teach and enculturate them realistically. We may do these things differently from family to family, but we do so ideally with the best of intentions, with love and caring of not only them but of the world.

When my oldest daughter married a wonderful young man I asked his advice. What did his Mom do so obviously well? He thought about it and replied, “You know, I don’t think anything, except love me. I always knew she was there for me, and that was important as I navigated the tough things growing up.”

Loving has never been hard for me, especially for my children; yet life is so very hard on them these days.

We teach our boys to consider good examples of men. Is a great man one who makes profound societal changes, who has statues erected in his honor? Is his behavior impeccable, does he invent history-changing devices, amass great wealth, or become known the world over?

Most often not. So what truly defines him? What is the essence of him, what causes the best to come forth from him?

Some would answer that it is his character, but even that is fueled by something deeper. His world view? His philosophical precepts? His religion? Many things are important, yet the “greatest is love,” Jesus said. Buddha taught that peace was the goal, but peace can only exist in its purest form in love–certainly not in anger, hatred, selfishness or divisiveness. The latter is tragically so prevalent in the world our children see.

And so I think of my father and my husband’s father as I teach my boys. A great man loves what is true. He loves his family, he loves others–he even loves his enemy when it comes right down to it. He is afraid at times, yet relies on an inner wellspring of peace, and a love of what is right. He has continence– that is, self-control. If he fights it is truly a last resort, and it is not out of hatred, but for whom he protects and loves. He will make mistakes, and he may remain unknown, without great impact, or statues, or inventions or wealth or fame, but he has integrity and love of fellow man. He helps those in need and offers kind smiles.

I teach them that though our effect on the world may seem imperceptible, like a ripple in the vast water, we persevere in love. We put one courageous foot in front of the other, because each ripple will combine with others to become waves that have power to move the earth.

What are your gifts? Each of us is endowed with them. We are encouraged to share our gifts, yet sometimes our lives are not in the right place to do so. We may be fighting an illness, dealing with chronic pain or a new diagnosis. We may be momentarily overwhelmed by financial or familial needs. These are neither the times to feel guilty for not sharing, nor for denying the responsibility and truth of the precept.

I watched The Black Panther for the first time this past weekend. Curiosity piqued by news of Chadwick Boseman’s young death and the fact that he had suffered in silence for years battling cancer, I hijacked the Disney control from my special needs daughter and navigated over from the umpteenth viewing of The Princess and the Frog to The Black Panther. She liked it. She has great taste.

I saw 42 and Get on Up, not realizing Boseman was the lead in both. The man was a phenom. He should go down in the books with the greats. I look forward to watching 21 Bridges in the near future. He is flawless as King T’Challa, ruler of the African country of Wakanda. Interestingly, the country has the same pronunciation of the Osage word for spirit of the Creator.

Without spoiling, we learn early in the movie that a meteor landed long ago in Wakanda and deposited a substance called Vibranium with powers unlike any on earth. The people learned how to harness the power and it informed and developed their culture over time. They realized the danger of such a power and took on the responsibility of hiding it. They became far more advanced than any other civilization.

A great start to an engaging action adventure. But the movie goes so much farther than simple entertainment. A marginalized and discriminated population proves to be the most advanced and strong. The role of women is powerful and arguably salvific in this movie. There is outright evil portrayed in some characters, and there is right intention gone bad in others–with the awareness of the need to change and to be humbled. There is love and humor and courage.

In the real world, humanity has missed the mark a lot in terms of caring for itself and for our planet. We will probably continue to do so, but we must strive to forge something more powerful than even Vibranium, and that is Love. Love, goodness, caring, sharing…they are more than words from preschool television shows. As Vibranium was deposited in the place where all human DNA originated, love is deposited in every human heart.

Yes, we may miss the mark, but far more than our goals or accomplishments, it is the journey of life which defines us. No person is inconsequential. One dot on an Impressionist painting may seem insignificant when viewed close-up, yet in the eye and hand of the Artist, each dot is specific, calculated, intentional, planned, conceived of, colored to perfection. From afar, the painting is a masterpiece, each dot integral to the others.

Chadwick Boseman visited and befriended children who were suffering from cancer. They inspired him. He gave them joy. He did not let on to the media that he was suffering nor even to his fellow actors as he pushed himself through cancer pain to complete his lines and action. He did what he needed to try to heal, or at least to rest in between movies and takes. One fellow actor chided that Boseman was perhaps full of himself for having a close support staff around him during filming. The man later apologized for the error when Boseman died, seeing that he did what he could to heroically get through.

Instead of seeking pity and riling about the injustice of a very unjust disease, Boseman gave of himself to fans, to his loved ones, and to suffering children. More than his awards will ever immortalize his career, his love and self-sacrifice inspire the best in humanity.

Tag: Integrity

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